It Is Offical by Andy Garr April 19, 2015
It Is Official: The Brits are coming back to the Big Apple: On April 20
the British Ambassador to the United States addressed a special meeting
of the board of NYSquash and formally delivered a challenge to a New
York team in an attempt to regain possession of the War of 1812 Redux
Trophy. This trophy, the most renown in all athletic competition, was
first contested in 2012, the 200th anniversary of the start of the War
of 1812 between the United Sates and England. The war ended without a
clear victor. Indeed, most historians cannot figure out why the war was
fought at all. To determine a victor a challenge match was contested in
2012 between a British Army team and a New York team. The British
prevailed and took an interim trophy back to England where it stood in
an honored place in the Tower of London. Last fall, a new British Army
team visited New York to defend the trophy. A charged up New York team
successfully overcame the British and the interim trophy now resides in
a storage room at the Printing House. NYSquash reported that the
subscription to raise $500,000 to commission a specially designed
Tiffany trophy is picking up substantial support and now stands at $321.
After the British Team went back to England last year, which it did in
the middle of the night, it filed its report with the Foreign
Secretary. This report made its way to the desk of the Chief of the
Imperial General Staff. Major General T R Urch CBE, who is the
President of Army Squash, was assigned the responsibility for regaining
the trophy and British honor. He instructed WO2 Craig Lilley to
organize a strong team to make this challenge. The British teams will
be drawn from top players from the Army Air Corps (AAC) and the Royal
Electrical Mechanical Engineers (REME).
As expected the jockeying for advantage has already begun. The British
have specified that the following ground rules should apply:
Each side shall furnish 9—14 players at each match.
There shall be six to seven matches.
If the matches are tied, the first tiebreaker shall be number of games won. The second tiebreaker shall be points won.
There shall be no third tiebreaker and if still tied after the second tiebreaker, the home team shall retain the trophy.
Ex Pvt Gabriella Sarah shall not be permitted to compete for either
team and no Americans can be “impressed” into the British Army.
The home club must supply ample amounts of beer.
All players shall be drug tested.
The controversial tournament director for the New York team for the prior contests would be replaced.
The location of the secret British training facility (the “ Junction“)
would be revealed only at the conclusion of the challenge.
The NYSquash response was to accept all of the ground rules except
number 8. Their reason given for this was when the President
solicited volunteers to take this position, several members suffered
concussions while attempting to hide under the table.
Bryan Patterson (ironically still a UK citizen) will again captain the
New York team. His fee will be a (to be determined) percentage of the
aggregate gate receipts.
The Lord Mayor of London has offered a wager to Mayor DiBlasio. As of
this posting he has not yet responded. Apparently he is bewildered:
“what’s so important about a vegetable?”
New York clubs will be notified of available dates to host an individual match in the next few weeks.
